I [don’t] understand now

I don’t understand.

It’s been days now maybe even weeks and who knows might be months or a year now since I started saying this mantra.

I don’t understand anymore what is going on.
With myself, this life and the thoughts swirling inside my head.

It was once a green pasture.
Full of positive thoughts.
Of colors with lively energy and hope.

A hope once big and firm but now.

I don’t understand and I have been trying to understand.

Where my old self went.

I tried looking for it oh yes I did.

Went back and did things I once find amusing.

To find my old self and retrieve it.

Pleaded to to come back and stay.

There is still hope my current self claimed.

Yet, the old me know better to believe a lie.

I understand.

I morphed into something or perhaps someone.

I don’t know if I got the wings after being inside a cocoon or I never grew one at all.

Reality can be deceiving and what I am always thinking like in the bigger picture of everything I am nothing.

Nothing but a speck of dust.

I’ll just gladly come and go and if I perish pour my ashes and let it dance with the wind.

Travel everywhere and let it take me.

For I understand now.

They walk among us

Murderers do not come out in the dark with long teeth and saliva dripping off their chin. People don’t realize that there are killers among them. People they liked, loved, lived with, worked with and admired could the next day turn out to be the most demonic people imaginable

-Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (2019)(Directed by Joe Belinger based on the book: The Phantom Prince: My Life with Ted Bundy by Elizabeth Kendall)

I have read few stories about murder-detective based books that tackles various mystery of horrifying deaths and murders. Looking back on my own booklist I was not shocked to find it mostly about it. Well maybe a little you know like I really enjoy these stuff and just makes me wonder.

I became a fan when I first read Michael Marshall’s marvelous book entitled The Straw Men covering 3 books and Katherine Slaughter’s Indelible and the way it was written.

Frankly speaking I was hesitant on watching the film and the whole thing was unable to catch my attention at first when viewing it.

Like any other films I gave it a chance and continued watching and voila I was speechless.

Let me spill the story it was about a guy who was portrayed by Zac Efron and I was also adamant even more on watching it since I am a big fan of him. He met Lilly Collins and to cut the story short they fell inlove.

They lived together with the daughter of Lilly for some time. On the other hand, she began to suspect something out of the ordinary when multiple murders occured within their area and so on.

As a typical viewer I was still hanging on the sheer hope that he did not do it when he was arrested and accused.

The way he was portrayed as a normal person interacting and socializing with other people.

It makes me wonder how psycopaths mind works. Like when they talk to people for instance would they take notes on how to murder you and gather information?

I have read the book Dexter and gave me quite an insight on how ones mind of a killer goes. It gives them quite the feeling of accomplishment and release when they murder someone depending when they like it clean and thorough or messy but Dexter liked the former.

Going back to the film if it was not even revealed and him confessing to her in a way it would not have been easily unravalled and pieces to be connected of the murders.

Just like Monster a classic manga well made.

What shocked me even the most is that at the end it was shown clearly that it was based on a real story.

A few clips of the guy was even shown being interrogated and what a sight to see such normal looking individual was able to pull those stunt.

I can only imagine when we walk around town.

In our everyday lives when we travel to places.

When we talk to people we know or strangers asking for directions for instance.

It gives me shivers when imagining if I might have talked to one or the mere idea that they walk among us.

Chronicle (and some lame update)

Lately I have been engrossed with sci-fi themed films particularly telekinetic abilities. To the extent that I was able to watch X-Men films multiple times.

I haven’t updated this account of mine even though I have all of the time to myself since quarantine started *whispers to self, excuses scoffs scoffs

I dunno been preoccupied lmao not that I have a lot of audience *cries in French
I have been reading books may it be physical or soft copy. I have read The Witcher books 1, 2 and halfway stopped in book 3.

Also finished the book Dexter which I borrowed from a special friend in exchange of some books of mine as well.

Abduction as well it was good read it with a few stops because it was good like you just have to finish it.

Been reading mangas as well I finished reading Fairytail and I’m on Gintama which is a classic manga I have been longing to read and few oneshots. I also read Mashima’s other work Edens Zero which was cool and still ongoing.
Other than reading I also tried studying French because of a series I recently watched being French the used language throughout Season 5 and I kind of stopped for a while.

I have also been watching series like The 100 S2 and Rick & Morty on netflix and a few others like Sabrina.

I may or may not write some reactions on all these mentioned events pray for my fast recovery on writing more *cries in Japanese like who would even read this.

---

This time around I found the Chronicle directed by Josh Trank and the awesome writer Max Landis.

Expectantly, upon reading the movie description I was already piqued since powers were mentioned beyond imagination.
I was catapulted on how the whole film was delivered. In a sense that usually when an individual harnesses an ability they are momentarily expected to be the hero like portrayed in most films where they do good and save the world.

Meanwhile, Chronicle gave me the impression of a reality-based somewhat may actually happen when such events occur.
Additionally, the way it was made like a point of view (POV) of each character was amazing.
The characters went through a process or stage that as a curious individual or human they explored what they had like a normal person would do.
The characters also were greatly mixed like we have the popular one which was Steve and Andrew’s cousin Matt. Their personality differed from one another but they were able to get past that with one common interest which was their abilities.

Aside from the slight CGI not being fully life-like edited which was expected since this was released year 2012 it was awesome.
What I was really impressed about this film and would totally recommend to those people who like sci-fi movies is the life-like portrayal of the film. Like am I the only one who wishes to have telekinetic abilities? *laughs

UnReal

What if the water,

inside a glass,

reached the brim,

overflowed and poured,

until there was none.

Is the glass of no purpose,

without the water,

or perhaps useless?

Like these emotions of mine,

slowly fading,

I reckon.

It is innate as said,

but what about pretend?

How am I doing so far this 2020 and how about you?

A new year means a new start. Better ways at everything unlike before.

This 2020 everyone is so caught up with their own resolution with this and that. A guide that they are planning to do and accomplish this year. Things they were unable to make last year means an opportunity this year to be possibly done.

I am still trying to accept the fact that the year 2020 is now here but I am still holding back. Taking a new step is a bit scary since the past is still there as a reminder that things may not go as planned.

However, one thing is for sure. I am not alone feeling this way and I will be holding to that idea that what I am having right now might be happening to someone as well.

Someone who is still afraid with the changes soon to unfold but we will get there.

I am having trouble from my study right now and a lot of things going on and I am confused.

Confused to the fact that the education we have today is not the same as before.

I am under the influenced of just surviving in a day-to-day basis and the idea of attaining a stable job to survive surmounts the idea of education for the “better” job they say. Because at the end of the day it is all about earning and surviving and providing what is supposed to be given as a citizen.

I understand that education is very important but a lot has changed and we cannot deny that.

I am really hoping that this year 2020 will give me something some sort of inspiration to continue literally living and functioning as a human being.

Patience is a virtue.

People person

Once a child who know nothing,

When hungry shall cry,

Sate needs as a human being,

Have grown shall fly.

.

Once a kid who know small things,

Between right and wrong,

Learned through sayings and teachings,

Adult words depended strong.

.

Looking how you have grown,

Accomplished things on your own,

Made a name for yourself,

Through the world’s guide and help.

.

Now it is time,

Returning the favor given,

Accomplishments on the line,

The world of people and be even.

---

So I made this simple poem requested by my college friend for their Contemporary World subject I guess. I was told for instance today and was needed right away earlier the next morning lmao.

I was given the info of an individual being a citizen of the world and whatnot.

I realized that it is possible to make positive filled poems other than my usual ones that I make which is way far different than this.

But other than that I was challenged a little making stuff far from what I usually do but since a friend asks I shall gladly be of help.

Levitate

Drift,

Drift away my child,

These heavy shoulders,

Like a brick tied,

Cut and loose,

Now fly,

Like a bird without

A cage that restraints,

These thoughts,

Will follow

For you are levitating.

Hello WordPress

Another year has ended and there are lot of things to be thankful about.

Well this is true to most people celebrating that 365 days worth I don’t know productively or what?

Well differently for me I guess because 2020 will be another year of who knows more mistakes and hell of regrets lmao.

2019 was dramatic for me a lot of family feudal thingy.

I am not hoping for anything that will be quite significant this year but only one thing.

I am hoping that I will be able to get past this year *fingers crossed* really hoping to stay on that thread.

Other than that more written works because I can’t keep my focus these days due to a lot of barriers around me.

More films/series and books though.

Cheers to this new year 2020and may this year be good to you!

Black Mirror

I have always been appreciative regarding the technological advancement and inventions that progressed through time. How these inventions enabled us to work efficiently and doubled the amount of output we can make unlike before.

The first invention that sparked countless advancement was fire. Imagine the world before and such places that were still uninhabited, unmoved and undiscovered. Then comes fire that brought a lot of possibilities and opportunities that the first people could do and couldn’t do in terms of darkness during night.

Admittedly, technology is ubiquitously used by everyone to a point that the main purpose of technological advancement which is innovation and the saddening downside of it now in some ways and areas.

We are all technologically dependent and inclined in a sense that we became a slave of these technological advancement. Youngters these days are already technologically savvy that such complex technologies to other people is not new to them.

Blinded by the effect of the rapid advancement these and yet we are claiming these innovations are still good.

Then here comes Mother Nature returning the favor of the costs of what we did such as global warming waving around the corner and not only that. The significant effect in our behaviour have relatively changed in terms of our psychological thinking.

Putting aside all these aforementioned information because we all know these are currently happening and we know the reasons why.

Let me give a profound picture of questions such as what ifs to sate our minds of all the possibilities that may arise when technological advancements continue thriving and we let it use us and not the other way around.

I have finished watching the series Black Mirror as you may have already guessed from the title if you have been aware or already viewed the series. It is currently on going up to this moment at Season 5. I have finished watching Season 4 and patiently waiting to finish future seasons such as the 5.

Black Mirror is a British television anthology series created by the brilliant mind of Charlie Brooker.

This series is a work of fiction that showcases wonders and the possibility of turn of events that may happen when technology thrived in a neagtive and unprecedented rate.

Some people were deeply disturbed upon viewing the very first episode which for me is very crucial when establishing its content.

The very first episode was entitled The National Anthem which successfully established a sense of peculiarity of a political setting as to the events that soon followed.

I am going to hold my horses on spilling further information for those people who are yet to view the series.

What I like about the series is the way it is being delivered to the audience and viewer such as myself. It triggers certain realization and answers to some questions as a curious individual. Like a pang of guilt that this scenario may happen to us.

Every episode contains new story, setting and characters that targets different viewers with their own perspective when it comes to technological advancement.

For instance, my favorite episode that piqued my interests the most was Season 3 Episode 6 entitled Hated in the Nation.

What took my interest with this episode even though this is the longest episode of Black Mirror so far being 90 minutes long.

Okay. I will be spoiling some part of the episode why I loved it the most.

It was turned into a murder mystery which interest me the most when reading detective-murder-mystery-psychopath novels.

Aside from this it was able to pull and portray current events going in the internet. The series showed the most hated individual in the internet voted by numerous people to be killed, literally by the cybernetic bees.

What could possibly go wrong with these lovely cybernetic bees cultivating massive parts of the land. Moreover, it featured current issues such as the environmental problem that we are currently having worldwide.

There are other episodes worthy of being mentioned but over all every episode has its own uniqueness.

Going back to the title Black Mirror.

Brooker gave an excellent explanation on why the series was entitled Black Mirror.

Every individual holds or perhaps own a black mirror. This pertains to the electronic devices that we have. May it be on the wall, desktop and most common on every palm of people. These are the smartphones, computers, laptops, televisions or tablets and more and a person is staring at it most of the time these days.

I am not against technological advancement that we are currently experiencing and the benefits of it.

What I would like to emphasize the most is to be wary enough of the negative effects when these are utilized in a harmful way.

For instance the privacy of every individual.

We are living in a stage where we might wake up one day and the people on the internet wants you dead because of a one sided or incomplete video of yourself uploaded online.

Let us use these technologies positively and not the other way around.

Fall

I like the rain

How its spattering sound

hit the windows and roofs,

Like an individual knocking,

Asking for shelter and comfort.

Maybe this is the reason why

Pluviophile people calms,

Imagine falling but not,

In a way that your plummeting abruptly

Closed eyes and be drifted,

To a slow and calm fall,

Found assurance,

That this fall,

Will be endless,

Once and for all.